There are many things that elevate Homo sapiens above the rest of the animal kingdom: technological advancement, the arts, an understanding of science, the list goes on. But nothing comes close to competitive sport.
The emotions that sport can elicit from us ranges from the dazzling highs to the earth-shattering lows, the euphoric to the disconsolate (see the history of the England men’s football team post-1966). As legendary American Football player and coach Vince Lombardi once said “Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is”. It is the same desire for success and thrill of competition that transcends the divide between the likes of Messi, Ronaldo and Co. at the pinnacle of their game to the overweight, out-of-shape, 40+ male puffing his way around a park football pitch on a cold Sunday morning. It even stretches from such arenas of sporting excellence as Wembley, Madison Square Garden, or Augusta to right here in the heart of Manchester’s Northern Quarter and the basement HQ of Glorious. Our sporting cuisine for delectation? Why, a gentlemanly game of arrows of course!
As with many things the Glorious love affair with darts started innocently enough: a friendly game here or there (workload permitting), or simply a nice way to while away the time when waiting for the printer to complete its run or the kettle to boil for a round of brews. However, the time has come in the course of our darting evolution to take it to the next level with the inauguration of our own Glorious monthly darts league.
As with the professional version of the game, our league comes complete with characters, and nicknames, every bit as colourful and entertaining as such modern-day darting gladiators as Phil ‘The Power’ Taylor or Martin ‘Wolfie’ Adams. In our very own Mancunian version of the Lakeside you’ll find the following new breed of darts superstars in training (complete with a slightly paraphrased description of each from darts commentating legend Sid Waddell)…
Jeff ‘Eagle-Eye’ Edis
“He’s about as predictable as a wasp on speed”
Jordan ‘Jabba’ Abbott
“Trying to read Abbott’s mind is like trying to read the mind of Jabba the Hutt”
Nick ‘The Thud’ Plant
“This lad has more checkouts than Tesco’s”
Chris ‘The Cannon’ Ball
“If we’d had Chris Ball at Hastings against the Normans, they’d have gone home”
Mark ‘Maestro’ Ross
“He is as slick as minestrone soup”
Tom ‘The Urmston Upstart’ Shaughnessy
“He’s as cool as a prized marrow!”
Ladies and gentleman. Let’s. Play. Darts.